Missing

Today I was pissed off but I really don't want to think too much about it. I don't want to let it bother my life and my self-esteem. All I have to do is just stay calm and be patient, waiting for them to apologize. With this "sorry" word, I can let it all go. If they won't, REVENGE IN SILENCE!!! Ahahahahahahahah!!!

Probably I am too emosional. Yeap, probably. Actually I'm missing my husband. It's been a week and 4 days he's been gone and 4 days we didn't talk each other. Despite that, it's not too long compare to last year's three months he was away, sacrificing himself for his country. I'm too sad because I couldn't talk to him on Monday before he and other navies went to South China Sea. It's all my fault when I suppose to call him when he text me the word "Call". I usually didn't pick up or reply SMS during school time. Also, because of this phone thing, I'm the last person received the news about my late mother.

Because all that, for the next two years I'm not going to teach Year 6. I'm not going to be a coach or managing sports. I'm trying to get pregnant. How am I going to get a child when I'm here he's not and when he's here, I'm not. If we are together we didn't get much attention to each other because we didn't get much rest with all work stress. I just wanted to rest. We need our vacation together. Away from people and away from the hectic.

My life became very bored. Go to school then, go back home...there's no one to talk to. Usually my routine is go to school, go home have a nap, and in the night I got to chat with the beloved ones. But nowadays, go to school, back home have a nap, and wake up in the dark and lonely room (my room always dark for sleep catalyze), having a TV, a lappy and previously a game console to accompany me in the night.

What I really miss the most is the kiss. A kiss before going to bed and a kiss before going to work. I also miss the smell and the impertinence (usually those are the things I do). People always see me as a strong navy's wife but deep inside me I'm so vulnerable when it comes to the love ones.

I realized that I really don't appreciate his presence. Whoever read (past tense) this blog, I wrote that we didn't talk too much at home except in the car, but at least we talk. At least we shared information and what dissatisfied us. At least there's someone to complain about work. At least we shared our sad, anger and happiness...Then, I realized that I only appreciate him whenever he's gone and it took me a week just to miss him. Teruk kan?

After all things happen, I'm thankful with my friends (and their kids) and my pupils for cheer me up during school period. At least I'm not alone the whole day. Weekends? I spend my time to cover up my sleep for the whole weekdays (sorry, I'm a sleepyhead).

Sometimes I wonder, what if he's gone forever and I can't imagine what my life would be after that. Isk, lagi teruk laa aku nih. Mesti ada orang pertikaikan apa yang aku kata nih tapi semua orang akan mati/meninggal, cuma lambat atau cepat sahaja.

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur suamiku dan semoga dia selamat di sana...

* 3 days course? A week or two? It's nothing...so don't whine so much!